Ten new applications for neural networks
Neural networks are machine learning algorithms that are very good at solving tough problems - they’re used for language translation, facial recognition, and financial management. I, however, have been training them on silly datasets.
Here are some of my favorite experiments from the last year.
In a possible first for the field of machine learning, a neural network named rescue guinea pigs for the Portland Guinea Pig Rescue and Morris Animal Refuge. Some of the names they used, and some of them they did not.
Popchop
Fuzzable
Spockers
Trickles
Farter
Then I mixed the guinea pig names with the names of death metal bands, and got names such as:
Death Snifs
Fuzzy Night
Dark Darn
Not to be outdone by the guinea pigs, AFK Cat Rescue of Huntsville, Alabama asked me to name some rescue kittens. Some of the names were great, and others not so much:
Mr. Tinkles
Retchion
Pish
Toot
Inventing magic spells
I trained a neural network twice on Dungeons and Dragons spells, and once on spells from Harry Potter. See if you can figure out which list is which.
Chorus of the dave
Song of the doom goom
Barking Sphere
Gland Growth
Hold Mouse
Hurder-gerping Charm
Regrowing hair to curse of the Bogies
Brechaim hedbivicus Doobers Spell
Fubbledory Charm
Squggly-wing fart
And please read these hilarious descriptions of neural network D&D spells.
The craft beer industry is running short on names, and expensive lawsuits result when two breweries use the same name. Now we have many more.
Dang River
Yamquak
Borb!
Snot Beard
Pimperdiginistic the Blacksmith with Cherry
And now there’s a real beer, first ever named by neural network: The Fine Stranger
It helps if you like sharks.
Shark Gordon
The Shark Singers
The Shark Charles
Tony Shark
Or if you’re a metal band, there’s a special list just for you.
Inhuman Sand
Chaosrug
Stormgarden
Staggabash
Sun Damage Omen
Curing writer’s block
Under the Daleks
Pirates: A Fight Dance Story
Batman and Flancles: The Fun Tree
The Star Wars: The Santa Contact
American Midnight: Swear Dragon
“I am forced to write to my neighbors about the beast.”
Her mother was packing by the black anthill.
The sun was probably for his wife.
Stop! I caused the Narguuse man who was new on Alabama, the screaming constipated eggs.
It’s a really bad idea to follow the neural network’s cooking advice. Its cake recipes will also not result in cake.
1 cup cherry seeds
42 cup milk
Preheat oven to 3500 8 minutes.
Sprout clams; add vanilla.
Choosing your next Halloween costume
Fairy Batman? Sexy Pumpkin Pirate? Princess Shark? Professor Panda?
You may be the only one dressed this way at your next Halloween party.
I trained a neural network to invent new My Little Ponies, but not all of them were presentable.
Raspberry Turd
Derdy Star
Starly Star
Blue Cuss
Inventing new paint colors
I trained a neural network to generate paint colors and name them. Then, with a larger dataset, I tried again and it did a bit better. But you may not see these as the next color of the year:
Parp Green
Shy Bather
Farty Red
Bull Cream
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